The SurfSafety.com news letter is *never* sent unsolicited. You or someone using your e-mail address has joined our mailing list. If you feel you have received this news letter in error or wish to unsubscribe reliable means are provided at the bottom. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you appreciate the contents of this news letter why not forward it to everyone you know? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In this issue: 1. General announcements 2. A tale from the trenches (Horror story is more like it) 3. This months golden nugget 4. Guest article (Submitted by Brooke Jones) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you have any news you would like to share with others on this list, or would like to submit a guest article, you may send them for review possible inclusion at mailto:news@surfsafety.com. "A tale from the trenches" and "Golden nugget" will be regular features of this news letter to which you can also submit articles for consideration. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ General announcements ===================== Well, we made it. The imfamous Y2K bug is but a faded memory now. I am pleased to report that the McAlister Middle School online safety seminar was a smash success for all who attended and would like to thank television station FOX-61 for their news coverage of the event. For those of you who missed it, the entire seminar program is now online at http://surfsafety.com/! Just watch the scrolling banner on the top level page and click when you see "Click here now to listen..." A very powerful story appeared on our NBC affiliate television station this evening on the program Extra regarding cyber-stalking. I am seeking permission from NBC to rebroadcast the piece in RealVideo format at surfsafety.com as well. It was THAT good! I'm working hard at reorganizing the web site a bit to accomodate a news letter back issue section for new subscribers to this list, and also to serve as a reference. Another feature will hopefully be to draw greater attention and participation on the parents open forum page. Nationally recognized speaker on child safety on the Internet, Brook Jones, has agreed to look in now and then and answer questions which are addressed specifically to her. This is one smart lady. She's been around this block a few times and she knows her way. Let's put her to work! ;-) Brooke has been kind enough to contribute another article this month which you will find below. It's worth while reading. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A tale from the trenches ======================== Subtitle: Don't let this happen to you! I received a letter the other day from a frantic parent who has lost all control of their home computer to their more computer literate son and illustrates all too well how easily it can happen to any one of us. I point out in my reply to her several key mistakes she made and the steps necessary to recover from them. She did not reveal her identity in any way other than her e-mail which, by the way, her son has control over. Because I have no other way to contact her, I can only pray it was not intercepted by him before she got to read it. Hopefully this example will help you to avoid the same mistakes she made. At 11:44 AM 2/4/00 EST, you wrote: >Please help, can we stop the use of bad language on the buddie chat >messages? > >Is there a way I can get my childs control of the aol use? He was >the computor expert. So he is in total control of the whole aol. >I'm under teens and he has full freedom. Do I have to stop aol? >Then when I start up again how do I control the startup where I can >put parent control, filters, and anything I need to stop him and his >friends from vulgar communications that I can't hear to repremand. >I don't know who he is talking to and when I check on him he is on >the buddy chat with many people and he shuts down when I enter the >room. Or he puts on the screen the nice people. >or people I know. Also he deletes his conversations, I have seen >some when I go under view. Help!! B_________ > B____: Unfortunately, you have lost all control over this AOL account and your computer. The first thing you need to do is call AOL on the telephone immediately and cancel the entire account. If the bill comes to your home and you're the one who pays it that should not be a problem. When you start up again (If you ever do), the first place you need to go is keyword "Parental Controls." Everything should be pretty straight forward there. If you still have any problems understanding how to do it, get on the phone with AOL again and have them walk you through it. Or possibly ask a friend in whom you can confide to assist you at the computer *AS* you restart the account, *BEFORE* your son can interfere. If you're paying for it, you must have control of the primary screen name. Your local school board or community affairs division of your local police department may also be able to direct you to sources of help and guidance. I personally do not have AOL for exactly that same reason. Online "Chat" with total strangers is, at best, a mildly amusing waste of time, and at worst exposes users, adults included, to real physical dangers. It's not the kids play it was originally intended to be. Bad language in a chat setting and e-mail is very difficult to filter against. Friends can use altered words and phrases to replace it such as S |-| it, @$$, what ever. There are several software tools you can install on your computer to monitor activity and control usage in addition to the tools provided by AOL, but you will have to learn how to install and use them. You must make it very clear to your son, in no uncertain terms, that you are in charge. Certain rules of conduct must be laid down and appropriate disciplinary measures taken if they are not obeyed. To regain control of your computer you must essentially become a one workstation network administrator. Big words, but not as complicated as it sounds. At the risk of sounding like a gratuitous plug for my own book, I wrote my book, Child Safety-Net, exactly with parents like you in mind. A step by step, paint by numbers approach to regaining control of your computer. You can order it online at Amazon.com for $19.95 +S&H of from my site at http://surfsafety.com/ for $5.00 less. If you're in a hurry to cancel AOL or don't want to order online, leave me a message at 860-628-4344 with the following information and I'll get a copy out to you ASAP. Please be sure to spell out everything clearly. Full name: Address: City: State: Zip: Daytime phone number: Credit card type: (MC or Visa only) Name on card: (Exactly) Card Number: Expiration: Also, don't overlook the possibility of forgetting about going online altogether. At the very least, I would recommend a cooling off period. Enough time to get acquainted with the tools available to you and time to prepare for allowing online access again. Remember, YOU are the parent! It's YOUR computer! It's YOUR online account! You have the authority, and the responsibility, to govern its' usage. Help is out there. Seek and you will find. I pray that you receive this. All the best, Mark Brasche ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Golden nugget ============= This month it's a regular gold strike! My thanks to Brook Jones for contributing this article. It goes hand in hand with I teach through my book regarding online "chat." Unless you can see and hear the people on the other end of the line, it is anything but. In it's present form, the only good thing about totally anonymous chat is nothing. There are sharks patrolling these waters and they take no prisoners. My advise is do not allow your children to engage in anonymous online chat. Period. And the same goes for you. Sinister tales of cyber-stalkings taken to the real world against adults are beginning to surface too. Don't be fooled just because "you're the adult." You put your own safety, and that of your family, at the same risk by doing so. It's not the kids play it was originally intended to be. It's serious business. Please, be safe rather than sorry. Having said all that, also know that there can be a difference between chatrooms and buddy lists. I'm not sure if AOL allows you to block completely one but not the other. If they do, I would say buddy lists ARE acceptable and safe so long as you follow this one simple rule. NEVER PUT ANYONE ON YOUR BUDDY LIST YOU DO NOT ALREADY KNOW AND TRUST IN REAL LIFE. Supervise their lists. Make this privilage conditional upon their allowing you to regullarly examine their buddy lists and question any screen name on that list you do not recognize. If they tell you it's somone you know but you didn't recognize the screen name, call that person and check. Make absolutely certain your child is not at risk. Okay, enough of my babbling. On to this month's guest article. Enjoy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Everything You Never Wanted To Know About The Internet by: Brooke Jones And now, a few facts that may just turn your stomach (quick grab the Pepto Bismol) According to the Federal Government: * There are more than 2,200 Web Sites strictly dedicated to preaching hatred, racism, and violence. * These Sites are specifically designed to appeal to teenagers. * Membership in such hate groups as the KKK, the Neo-Nazi Party, and the Aryan Nation is now at an all time high. Experts credit this alarming statistic to the online recruiting efforts of these groups. * At least 25 percent of all time spent at home on the Internet is spent viewing pornography. * 75 percent of all convicted sex offenders say they frequently cruise the internet. * The average child molester assaults 30 children before he is caught. * Most parents begin to pay less attention to the activities of their children when their children reach the age of 14 or 15. * The majority of children who are victimized by Internet stalkers, pedophiles, and racists are between the ages of 14 and 17. (I'll give you a moment to ingest a dose of Pepto) All right now let's get down to business. If you have children, a computer, and access to the Internet, this article has been written for you! In the past few days, such powerful corporations as Yahoo!; Amazon.com; and E-Bay have felt the power of cybercriminals. If these people can manage to infiltrate, compromise, and corrupt the well-oiled computer systems of these massive companies, it's a safe bet that they can find their way into your little home computer with both hands (and half their brains) tied behind their backs! As an expert in the field of Internet Safety, I conduct seminars, write articles and give interviews all over the country. During the course of my seminars, one of the most common questions I hear is: "Why do seemingly intelligent, well-raised kids find online Hate Groups and promoters of violence enticing?". The answer to that question is as simple as it is terrifying: One does not experience childhood without also experiencing confusion, alienation, and loneliness. It's a Rite of Passage as much a part of the process of growing up as are raging hormones, skin eruptions, and dating disasters. It seems to happen almost overnight. One evening, you look in on your sleeping child and smile at the cherubic face that lies dreaming on the pillow. The next morning, your innocent angel has become a foot-stomping, nay-saying, nose-piercing stranger. Have the aliens kidnapped your cherub and left a clone in her place? (I thought that from the time my daughter was 12 until well okay so I still think that). The point is, our kids eventually arrive at a time when everything we say is either stupid, wrong, or embarrassing! Nobody understands them! Their teachers are idiots; their friends are unreliable; and you well, you, dear concerned parent, are little more than an impediment to your children's very existence. Yet, as they desperately try to assert their independence; to be individuals; to stand out from the crowd, they are literally starving for a sense of belonging! Enter, the wonderful world of the Internet. You load the last dinner fork into the dishwasher and settle in to watch the Evening News as your alienated teen sits at the computer and begins a conversation with a few invisible strangers: "My parents don't understand me! They're making me nuts!", your son types. "I know what you mean. My parents don't understand me either! They're SO out of it!", comes the response. "I'm SO bored!", your confused cherub tells the invisible stranger. "Hey, I just met some WAY cool kids. We usually talk at this time every night. Why don't you join us. Here's the web address come on check it out!", says the cyberstranger. Suddenly your child is online with dozens of alienated, lonely, confused kids. PROBLEM: these are NOT kids - they are recruiters for the KKK; they are pedophiles; they are weapons dealers; and now they have your child's complete attention! They speak your child's language. They understand her pain. They share his loneliness. They relate to her alienation. They give nothing but encouragement, acceptance, and support, and in less time than it takes you to microwave a cup of coffee, your precious child has found a family, a family who never scolds, never criticizes, never disapproves. Eureka! The online conversations become increasingly frequent and lengthy. Your child shares his many frustrations with his new "family". Your son tells them about the job he didn't get because it was given to some kid from India. Your daughter complains that she didn't make the Cheerleading squad, but the new Asian girl did! Your son bitches about the football game last Saturday when the coach kept him on the bench, but sent the new black kid in to play what used to be his position! The "family" understands, and offers the explanation that the school system isn't fair cause it keeps giving the "good stuff" to all those minority kids! Your child has questions -- his new "family" has answers. Your teen is angry, his new "family" is angry about the same thing, and suddenly your lonely teenager isn't feeling lonely. He's found a group of people who hang on his every word. They laugh at his jokes. They listen without judging. They have experienced the very same things he's experiencing; they understand! So, "Why do seemingly-intelligent, well-raised kids get involved with dangerous people?" -- because these people give your kids the one thing your kids most want: unconditional acceptance. This is not paranoia; this is reality! The Internet is populated by tens of thousands of people who's job it is to find and befriend our lonely, unhappy kids. They don't have to look very far to find them. 18.8 million American kids under the age of 18 spend an estimated 8.5 hours per week online, and only 1.8 of those hours are related to school work. For those of you who are now saying: "Oh, but my child would never be interested in hate groups, or religious cults, or violence", please allow me to share two brief stories. Not long ago, I heard from two mothers. One had been absolutely certain that her straight-A, National Honor Society son would never be involved with anything on the Internet that she would consider inappropriate. Never! Imagine her shock when she discovered that her gentle, well-mannered sixteen-year-old was spending his evenings with a group of cyberfriends who believed that people of color should be (shall we say) done away with. Mother number two is a devout Christian. Her entire family attends church twice each week, and her fifteen-year-old daughter is the sweetest, most polite girl in the neighborhood. So, when this mother found out that her angelic daughter was, in fact, an active member of an online Satanic cult, well, let's just say the poor woman was beside herself. I have many more stories such as these, but I'll spare you the details. The important thing is that, in each case, parents were convinced that their children were not the sort to be victimized by, or interested in immoral, objectionable, or dangerous subjects. It was only after reading what online strangers were saying to their children, that they realized that, through the Internet, relationships were being formed with people their children wouldn't dream of bringing home to meet the folks. And so I say to you: The only way to protect your children from the many invisible, insidious dangers that lurk on the Internet is to read every word of every conversation that your children are having online. See everything your children see! You must! If you're not reading what strangers are saying to your kids, you are ignoring the most severe dangers of the World Wide Web and, as a result, your first clue that your child is in harm's way may be the phone call you receive after the fact! I can already hear you groaning "How am I supposed to see everything my kid sees on the Internet when, during most of her/his computer time, I'm at work, doing chores, putting an end to global warming?". Relax, there is a way! Dozens of currently available software programs enable you to limit the number of hours your child spends on the computer; block out Web Sites whose Web addresses include words such as pornography, guns, hatred, murder; filter out vile (if correctly spelled) language; and record everything typed on your home computer. HOWEVER, these programs do not provide you with the most crucial information: what online strangers say to your children! Only one software program provides that piece of the Internet puzzle. Only one program gives you word-for-word transcripts of everything your child sees. Word-for-word transcripts of everything online strangers say, word-for-word transcripts of all sides of Chat Room, News Group, Instant and Private Message conversations! And this, dear concerned parent, is the single most important thing a safety program can give you! The program is called CHATMINDER. (www.chatminder.com) It's simple to install and use (regardless of how little you may know about using a computer). It runs invisibly, so your kids won't know you're using it unless you choose to tell them (which some parents chose to do). It is available online so you can download it directly into your computer, no fuss, no muss, no problem! It will not interfere with any blocking or filtering software you may already be using (in fact, it makes those products far more effective because it lets you know what objectionable material is managing to by-pass the blocks and filters), and, bottom line, it's the only product I have found that absolutely, positively ensures that if your child is playing with fire on the Internet, you will know about it, before it's too late! I wish I could tell you that Internet Danger is a minor problem. I wish I could tell you that law enforcement has the situation well in hand. I wish I could tell you that, if your children surf the Web, you have nothing to fear. Unfortunately, I cannot. (And anyone who tells you otherwise has his head so far in the sand that he's wearing beachfront property on his kneecaps). And while the dangers of the Internet are terrifying today, they are likely to be even more so in the months and years to come. So, now that you realize that you cannot afford to ignore the problem (and, Lord willing, you do now realize that!), please, as one parent to another, please, go to the CHATMINDER Web Site, download the program, and, once a day take a few minutes to read the transcripts of what all those invisible strangers are saying to your children. But be prepared. What strangers say to each other on the Internet is going to send you screaming into the night, in search of a very large bottle of Pepto Bismol! [Former Talk Radio Host Brooke Jones is a mother, a freelance writer and the Media Director of the Ribbon Of Promise NATIONAL CAMPAIGN TO END SCHOOL VIOLENCE. She is an expert in the field of Internet Safety and is a frequent guest on Talk Shows around the country. Ms. Jones can be reached at: bjones0399@aol.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Well, that does it for this month. If you spot something news worthy, a new illegal drug name parents can add to their filter list, a hate group with a domain name to filter, or would just like to share your two cents worth, by all means, send them in. Let's form such a tight knit community of caring parents that nothing like the "Trenchcoat Mob "slips through the cracks ever again. Be informed. Be involved. And be well. Most sincerely, Mark Brasche Owner, New England Webmasters Author, Child Safety-Net